This is the first time I have ever done anything like this... we will see how it turns out! I will just jump right in I guess!
I am a 33 year old mother of one. I am so lucky to have my little angle, but sometimes - no most of the time I feel like I have lost a piece of me. This is a journey to get it back.
For those who know me - which is probably anyone reading this, I am not a RELIGIOUS person. I am a God fearing person, and I do go to church. I USED to be a faithful person. I say used to because the part of me that I lost is the part that held my faithfulness. I have always had faith that God would get me through what I needed to get through. I am not always so sure anymore. Sometimes I think that some where along the way I was disappointed by God. I will come back to this later.
I remember when I was 16, My grandmother passed away. I loved her so much. It was to that point the hardest thing I had ever had to go through. I remember going downstairs that Sunday morning, and my dad telling me the bad news. I turned around went back upstairs- to cry and got ready for church. When I came down, my dad asked me where I was going. I just said "Church". I was not sure why I wanted to be there so bad, in the house of the Lord on my day of loss. But I did. And I think it helped. I know my grandma went to a good place where she can always look over me. I wish she could still be here- but this is life- this is what happens. I think that is the day I realized how far faith could take you- how farm my faith took me. Flash forward 17 years...
I was out in my garden today - sweating like crazy, when it hit me. I don't like to disappoint. I just got ahead of myself... God has not disappointed me. God gave me the decisions to make and the capacity to make them. The outcome of everything is in my hands. He didn't disappoint me, I disappointed me. I think this is the first step of my journey. Making peace with myself. God loves me no matter what choices I make. It is me who has to love me just the same. I hope this journey is this easy the whole way! I hope I have some followers to help me along the way!
